Journey to Completion

It occurs to me that I am at a crossroads. I am done with a chapter of my life and I stand beside my adult children in a new and wonderful way. On the other hand, I am faced with what will be the remainder of my life, be it long or short, and I find that I have a mountain of things to complete.

Basically, I am completing ME. That's right, me. And in that process I am making decisions, small and large, that lead me toward that completion. I am scared. However, if I am to complete the ME that started out on this journey 54 years ago, I must be brave. Brave beyond my ability at times. Brave beyond my ability right now.

I breathe in deeply and release that vital force into the universe. I know, that sounds very metaphysical...oooooooo. But, how else do you explain the larger than myself feeling that comes over me during these times of great thought? I sit now with my eyes closed pecking away at the keyboard trying to get in touch with my next steps. A sense of well-being comes over me, a calmness. Breathe again. Yes, it is calmness. I sense that my forehead is tense. I scrunch my face, perhaps I just need lotion. LOL. No, it's tension. I wiggle my brows, up down, up down. Any difference? no, Adjust my glasses on my nose. Ah, it wasn't my forehead, my head is hanging forward; it feels like it's a foot in front of my body and my shoulders are tight. There it goes, crackle, crackle, dizziness as I rotate my neck. Calm again.

Anyway, enough of that, back to completion. Joe Stumpf of By Referral Only talks about "incompletions" and how it is important to get them out of the way and finished so that you can move on to the important stuff. I can see the wisdom of that . The incompletions in my life are always in the back of my mind, calling out, begging for attention, scrambling my good intentions, jumbling my brain. The guy on Oprah and Friends who talks about ending "clutter" also explains that clutter can come from those little times of incompletion. When I don't complete a task as simple as the dishes because I get distracted with something else. It seems that completing things, anything, is high on my list to moving forward in my life. I'm thinking of making a list of all of those incompletions or actions that I leave incomplete that cause more chaos. Then the Nike slogan, Just Do It, comes to mind. That's right, Just Do It, because it is very easy for my mind to think ad nauseam about doing something but never get it done. Enough! Just Do It! Seems like sound advice.

I still sit with my eyes closed. It is like when I just become aware of the morning and my mind is free and active. I am always very lucid and clear at that point. Everything makes sense. I lie in bed enjoying my orderliness and creativeness. But alas, the moment I open my eyes and start to move my body, blood coursing through my veins the thoughts dissipate and I cannot grab them again as clearly as they presented themselves during my "pre-awake" time.

I am a very visual person. Maybe that is why the minute I open my eyes the world invades and disrupts my thoughts. Anyway, I ramble. Back to the Journey to Completion.

What will it take to complete my life journey. What do I need to learn? How will I go about it? I have been focusing on the aspect of incompletion as it relates to business. I have stopped many projects at critical times. There is a major block about this and I am exploring what that block could be and trying to move through it. Note that I am "trying." You know, it's like the same old story of picking up a pencil. You can "try" to pick up the pencil or you can just do it, pick it up. Just Do It!

Embarrassment comes to mind, like I won't be able to do something that I should know how to do. That I will be inadequate at the task and need more help than anyone will be able to give me. I will be "too needy." Where have I heard that before? Of course, mom and dad. Too needy, when you have three other children to care for. Too needy, when your own cup is not full. Too needy, when they don't have the resources to answer your questions. Too needy, when you need help doing something. Too needy.

Of course, it is not all of their fault, but it is a starting place for why I have that recording programmed in my head. That little hardwire that comes up when it is least wanted or needed. Time to rewire the circuits and get on with it.

I'll come back to this later as I feel it will be an ongoing commitment to learning and understanding the steps to my completion.